Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Page 16

If it's too hard to become completely obedient and faithful all at once, we can at least resist our temptations. Let's declare war and arm ourselves with courage and commitment.

We can do this when things are going well by telling the truth. Quit pretending to be hospitable and affectionate.

Stop living up to the expectations
of the deceived and deceiving people
we interact with.

Tell them, "Hey, Dad? Mom? Wife? Friend? Until now, I haven't been straight with you. From now on, I'm going to be truthful. I'm letting you know that from now on, my highest law is the eternal law. I won't have contracts, just relationships. I'll try to nurture my parents, support my family, be faithful to my wife—but I'm going to fulfill these relationships in a new and unprecedented way. I'm breaking from your customs. I have to be myself. I can't break myself any longer, even for you.

"If you can love me for what I am,
we'll be happier.
If you can't, I'll still try to deserve your love.

"I won't hide my tastes or aversions. I'll trust so much that what is deep is holy that I'll boldly do in front of the sun and the moon whatever gives me inner joy and appeals to my heart. If you are noble, I will love you; if you aren't, I won't hurt you and myself with hypocritical attentions. If you're honest, but your truth isn't the same as mine, stick with your companions; I'll look for my own.

"I'm not doing this to be selfish, but to be humble and true. It's in your interest as well as mine, and everyone's, however long we've been living a lie, to live the truth. Does this sound harsh right now? You'll soon love what your nature dictates as well as mine, and if we follow the truth we'll come out safely in the end."

But saying that may cause these friends pain! Yes, but I can't sell out my liberty and power to spare their feelings. Besides, everyone has moments of reason, when they clearly see the absolute truth; then they'll justify me and do the same thing.

Standards

People think that if you reject popular standards you've rejected all standards—that you don't believe your behavior is subject to any concept of good or evil. A presumptuous parasite will invoke the name of philosophy to sugarcoat his crimes.

But consciousness, and conscience, are what it's all about. There are two ways to clear your conscience, and you must choose one of them. You can fulfill your duties by clearing yourself in the eyes of others, or in your own.

On the one hand, you may consider whether you've satisfied your responsibilities to father, mother, cousin, neighbor, community, cat and dog—whether any of these has a reason to criticize you.

But you can also ignore this external standard
and absolve yourself to yourself.

I have my own strict requirements and distinct boundaries. It doesn't agree with what most would say are my duties and obligations, but if I can live up to its standards it enables me to dispense with society's code.

If you think this law is too lax, try keeping it some time. It really demands something godlike in someone who has sworn off the usual motives of humanity and has dared to trust himself as a ruler. You need a high heart, faithful will, and clear sight in order to be your own doctrine, society, and law, so that a simple purpose can be as strong to you as steel physically is to others.

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